Amy Middleton Loves New York

a few months ago i sent an email to a friend in response to an evening discussion through central park. i remembered it this weekend as i was preparing for a lesson on the atonement. thanks to the miracle of gmail search, i finally found it. hastily written, it candidly expresses a personal view that i doubt could be conveyed as honestly if i were to edit it. so here it is.

hi jen.
so this morning i was thinking about what you said sunday with regards to having peace but still clearly having “been there.” and i’ve re-decided that you can’t have that in your COUNTENANCE because the gospel is so healing, so capable of making us whole, that there are no visible scars we carry with us of what we have suffered.

i think, though, that we can have the respect of “having been there” by our interactions with people. meaning, selfishly, that people won’t talk to us and walk away thinking “what an idiot. she’s never experienced anything. wait til she has a trial and then let’s see if she’s still so optimistic.” but better said, and i think the crux of why it is desirable to have people know we can relate to their struggles, it adds credibility to living the gospel.

i always think of D&C 122- The Son of Man hath descended below all things. Art thou greater than He? clearly, i am not. and knowing that Christ bore more than i am asked to bear makes living the gospel seem less convenient but more essential. faith is not unchallenged belief but the power to trust, be healed, and continue.

Christ kept the marks on his hands as a testament that He is who He said He was. No scriptures come to mind of Him taking the opportunity to say how much it hurt. I think, i hope, that the purpose of our pain, struggle (translation: EXPERIENCE) is so that we can better testify of Christ. That He is who He said He was. That He can and does heal us. Not so that anyone will look at us and immediately know what we’ve been through and what it took for us to get that testimony.