Once upon a time there was a young republican named Jared who was frequently concerned with social issues. One day he said to his friend Amy, “fat people cause global warming.” “I thought republicans caused global warming,” she replied. He sent her a link to a nyt article about obesity, For a World of Woes, We Blame Cookie Monsters.
“Research suggests that the stigma of being fat leads to more eating, not less. And if reducing the stigma suggests a solution, that’s not working either,” declared the article. “So should people just not know they are obese?” Amy asked. “Well,” he said, “we should change the definition so that fewer people fall in the category.”
Amy was a big fan of this idea and suggested he use it as his platform when he runs for President. That’s when she realized Jared’s facetious anti-obesity campaign was a perfect analogy to express her understanding of Satan’s plan, which thus far seemed to only make sense in the context of her own brain.
Obesity is defined as an abnormally high, unhealthy amount of body fat, and is usually indicated as having a Body Mass Index in excess of 30. Clearly, increasing the accepted BMI level to 45 will not improve anyone’s health. It will not “force” people to exercise, make better food choices, or take more responsibility for their physical wellness. It will, however, keep more people from being obese by definition.
Satan told the Lord, “I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it.” Growing up, I’ve been taught that for Satan to accomplish his mission, his plan was to use “force” to take away our agency. But I have not yet found canonical evidence supporting that interpretation.
What makes sense to me is that Satan’s attempt to keep us from being lost was like Jared’s attempt to keep us from being overweight: redemption through lower standards. The existence of agency means that there is both a law given and the freedom to follow the law. Under Satan’s plan as I understand it, he would remove the law, thereby destroying our ability to obey it (agency). His elimination of our agency would not be accomplished by forcing us to make correct decisions, but by removing any element of “correctness” or “incorrectness” from our actions.
Lehi teaches Jacob that without opposition (right and wrong being opposing forces), “righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad.”
“…And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God.”
God’s plan for us–the Plan of Happiness–allows for happiness and righteousness just as it allows for punishment and misery. There cannot be the opportunity for righteousness without the opportunity for sin, so “forced righteousness” is itself a contradiction of terms. Of course, Satan’s plan to redeem us by taking away our chance to either succeed or fail would not have “worked;” we would never have grown to become more like God. It would be a false victory if it could even have been considered a victory at all. Much like changing the definition of obesity to keep fewer people from falling into the category.
Far more compelling was the infomercial for 
Salad month made me a better person. I took more Fairway Trips, consequently introducing others to Fairway. I now have an entire desk drawer at work reserved for salad toppings and foods to keep me from starving before and after eating salad. you’re welcome, emergency preparedness. Perhaps most noteably, I managed to keep the same g-chat status message for an entire month.
