why am i so depressed?

Thanks to the magic of the wayback machine, I found this page (titled “why am i so depressed?”) from the 2002 archives of a site I no longer maintain, written a few months after a completely unexpected move to the Bay Area. If it comes across as though I was not grateful for the leads and support I was getting, I’m sure that’s not the case. But you know how it feels when you have a real, complex problem and someone gives you flippant “worked for me” advice? That’s the scenario at play:


sample conversation of my life

part one
(you are any random person)

you: what sort of work are you looking for?

me: well i studied advertising, but i haven’t found anything up here. it’s a tough market right now, so i’m doing admin work until i can find something i enjoy.

you: you just have to know the right people. here’s someone you should call….

part two
(you are a friend of random person)

you: why did you come to Northern Cal? this is the last place anyone should come.

me: yeah, i’ve been discovering that.

you: seriously, why are you here? there are no jobs here. San Francisco is the worst place in the world for you to be. call me before you pack your bags. oh, and by the way, did you know your degree is worthless?

me: yes i did.

you: okay, as long as you knew.

me: um, okay, thanks for your time.

you: good luck.

Memo: what was I thinking?

I’m no good with checks. I’ve had the same bank-issued checkbooks for four years at least, using them mostly for church tithing and rent, and not even rent these days thanks to roommate’s paypal acceptance. I’m also no good with depositing checks, much to the annoyance of my grandma, whose birthday thoughtfulness sits in a paper shortstack on my dresser for months every year.

I think what I’m worst at is the check memo. I converted stacks of bank statements (aka “list of subway sandwich purchases”) into shredded paper today, and noted with amusement and horror the things I write when I write checks to people. Among them:

  • gymnastic lessons and paper
  • bruised apples
  • boyfriend allowance
  • glasgow miracle #7
  • twelve thousand pennies
  • keeping quiet about “that thing”

Maybe if I treated a checkbook as a financial tool, and not a 5 year old’s scribble pad, I would be in better shape. Then again, maybe if my church accepted paypal, I could forget about the whole thing.

Update Turns out I also saved physical checks that were returned to me (my bank must have stopped doing that in 2004), but here are a few more from that pile:

  • Bands beginning with “R”
  • wounded bird session #7
  • Ethan’s Mullet Fund
  • being completely awesome
  • defeating Trogdor

How bad do you want to be good? (cringe)

In 2002 I took a few web classes at a community college in the bay area. I dropped the design class, being too busy to handle everything, and knowing enough of standards to realize what we were being taught violated the way the web was meant to be used. I later dropped the flash course, convinced I would never learn such a complicated and technical program, and having a new scheduling conflict that kept me from regularly attending the weekly class.

The courses I didn’t drop were online classes dealing with HTML and JavaScript, back when JavaScript (as I understood it) was superfluous trickery. HTML, though, was solid. I was just cleaning out some files, and I found the assignment timeline for the course. Here are some highlights:

Assignment Description
During the next 8 weeks you will create your own “Web Site” by creating a number of pages, linked together to a “Home Page”…

Week 3: Tables
Start a new homepage called “altindex.htm” that uses a table to align the title, graphic, text, and menu…

Week 5: Images Maps
Use Paintbrush to create a simple site map graphic. Use the graphic to create an image on a new page…

Week 6: Frames
(Do I even need a follow up to this one?)

Week 7: Forms
…Your form should ask for things like name, address, interests, comments…

Given that this is the most successful academic experience I’ve had with the world wide web, is it any wonder that I’ve since shied away from pursuing formal web design education?

But here we are seven glorious years later, and web design has advanced at a much more maddening pace than my skills have. I feel like an SVA billboard, which I hate on so many levels, and salivating over brilliant web design while occasionally dipping a toe into css doesn’t narrow the gap between current ability and mastery. I need to take a class. Perhaps several. And they need to not cover frames.

The Best Cover Letter David Silverman’s Ever Received

I’m a fan of David Silverman and about a third of the way through his book “Typo: The Last American Typesetter or How I Made and Lost 4 Million Dollars. His most recent article on HarvardBusiness.org is about cover letters–how they’re not important, and how the only time it’s worth the effort to write one is if you’ve been personally referred or know something about the job requirement.

First of all, why wouldn’t know know something about the job requirement if you are APPLYING for the job? Secondly, here is, word for word, his example of the best cover letter he’s received:

Dear David:

I am writing in response to the opening for xxxx, which I believe may report to you.

I can offer you seven years of experience managing communications for top-tier xxxx firms, excellent project-management skills, and a great eye for detail, all of which should make me an ideal candidate for this opening.

I have attached my résumé for your review and would welcome the chance to speak with you sometime.

Best regards,

Xxxx Xxxx

Not that there’s anything glaringly wrong with that example, but I’m surprised something so generic would stand out from the pack. The fact that it does is a bit disheartening.

I haven’t been able to post a comment to the article discussion, so I will say it here. If the scenario he mentions is reflective of what other hiring managers are dealing with–if all the cover letters they see are recaps, form letters, or just crazy emails–then your goal as a job seeker shouldn’t be to “not bother” writing a relevant cover letter, it should be to do even better, since it obviously won’t take much to set you apart from everyone else.

mediating the web

I tried writing the title as <media>ting, but it’s hard to tell what that word is, right? Anyway, I don’t know how this existed for so long and it’s the first time I’ve seen it, but here is Michael Wesch’s amazing, visual, engaging explanation of Web2.0: (”The Machine is Us/ing Us (Final Version)”)

You Can’t Handle the Freelance

About a year ago, deeply unsatisfied with my cushy ad agency job, I got an unsolicited email titled “Freelance” from a creative staffing agency I’d signed up with the year before:

Wanted to see if you’re still looking for work. We just got a 3 month freelance assignment in. It’s doing search optimization coordination and seems like a good fit. Fun agency, good pay.

Turned out the company was Razorfish and I’d have about a week to interview and put in my notice to my current employment. Leaving the full-time salaried world so hastily was nerve-wracking, but I saw it as my ticket out. I took it.

I’ve been doing freelance work ever since. Mostly on a W-2, but as an hourly contract employee, paid by small agencies rather than the bigger companies I was working for. I always had work, but having to go into an office every day where I’d never be promoted or get benefits was tiresome, and I wasn’t interested in hiring on.

All this changed last month. I’m now only on 1099s, a sole proprietor, and completely freaking out. I’m meeting with an accountant in a few hours.

Last night I went to a meetup group discussing whether incorporating is a good idea (answer: it is. S-Corp here I come). We all introduced ourselves, what we do, and why we were there. When I said I freelanced on a W-2, I was told that was an oxymoron. I tried to explain, but was shot down. “That’s fine, it’s in the past,” I said, trying to move the awkward spotlight off my apparently mis-categorized employment history.

A few other people spoke up at that point, and said they were in the same situation. The lawyer presenting insisted that W-2 is NOT freelance, even if you work for two hours a month, you are an employee. For tax purposes, he’s definitely right- I’m shocked and amazed at how different it is to be off the W-2. But for the purposes of how we classify what we do and how we work, isn’t “freelance” (or contractor) the appropriate term?

Implementation High

Armed with a list of recommendations, I went to New Jersey today to meet with the marketing director of the companies where I’m freelancing. The list came as the result of working in their campaigns for a few weeks, updating URLs of poorly structured Ad Group after poorly structured Ad Group.

I expected my list to get shot down. It’s my experience that there’s a “it’s not ideal, but here’s why we do it like that” for every problem. And there was some of that, but the director was able to see the value in the solutions I was presenting. He agreed that what I had thought of was better, and I got to spend the entire day building out well-structured campaigns.

Today was a good day.

Now THAT’S a cover letter

2 things:

1. People keep watching my cover letter slideshare! Yay! I realize that it’s not the most pretty or entertaining thing to watch, but somehow it’s at almost 700 views right now, which gives me confidence in the content (no one’s watching it for my slick use of a powerpoint template, that’s for sure). I decided if it hits 1,000 views, I’ll use it as a building block for a more engaging youtube video. More work for me, but who can resist the siren song of rediscovering the Flash learning curve?

2. Great article from 37signals on why a cover letter trumps a resume. Read it, then check out the killer cover letter submitted by their new hire Jason Zimdars. I weep.

Greywater systems

Here is the best of my exhaustive search today: (ok not exhaustive. exhausting.)

The Basics- greywater.com
Enviro Water Boy - LA Times
Grey Water Mulch Pit - Permaculture.org
Laundry to Landscape (Drumless Laundry) - oasisdesign.net and The Greywater Guerillas

California does not consider sink/dishwasher water to be “grey”- and I’m not sure what the implications of that are. My guess is it counts as blackwater and can’t feed into a permitted system?

Given that California is not a particularly rainy area (thank goodness!), I’m very interested in finding ways to reclaim household water for gardening purposes.

Monsanto v Small Farms

This is more political than I usually get on a Sunday, but Shelly Roche does a great job here of explaining just what’s at risk with the latest “food safety” bills.
PS I know I’m posting a lot of videos lately. Mostly it’s because I hate reading what I write but still want to keep the site somewhat current.


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